What Are the Effects of Spiritual Abuse

What are the Effects of Spiritual Abuse? (By Richard Damiani)

The effects of spiritual abuse and mind control can be illustrated by an apple. As healthy Christians we are like a good apple, full of vitality and soundness. An abusive church slowly peals away the flesh of the apple until there is nothing left but a core. The flesh is not only our spiritual selves, but also our individual, pre-cult selves. Our emotional and cognitive selves are taken away so we no longer feel and judge outside of what we are told to feel and judge. The cult builds on that core all that becomes our cultic persona. We look like an apple again, but in reality we are dried and moldy. When God opens our eyes to see the truth about the group and ourselves, it is devastating. Our entire cultic world and life view collapses, and there is nothing left. "We" are not there - only the core is left. Healing is the full removal of the cultic persona and the rebuilding of our pre-cult selves, then going on to minister to others. Healing does not terminate upon the self.

The problems that those who have been spiritually abused face are formidable and many. The first reaction that all face is deep, and sometimes suicidal depression. Initially this is due to the entire belief system collapsing into a pile of ruin. There is nothing left upon which to base hope or faith, and for the emotionally abused of a cult this is extremely distressful, especially as true emotions begin to reemerge. As time goes on and one sees the years of life, the possibilities of youth, and even marriage and parenting irretrievably lost, there is added grief, sorrow and guilt. The bright hope and idealism of life has been stolen, and all seems like an endless black road of mere existence.

The most natural emotion to follow is livid rage at the leadership. Hate is not too strong a word for the emotions one feels. It is as though you cannot think of enough bad things to say about or do to the cult leaders. For many there is no language strong enough to express their anger, and cursing of the bitterest sort fills the conversations about the former leaders. These two emotions, depression and anger, last for many months. Many people need anti-depressants to get them through this period of their recovery. When it does finally subside there begins a period of resurges of both emotions, many times for no apparent reason. Weeks of what is something like happiness and joy will be followed by weeks of deep depression and rage, subsiding only to reappear again and again. This pattern gradually disappears as healing progresses.

A sense of purposelessness and disconnection from life, coupled with unbearable loneliness, isolation and alienation are felt. Fear of losing salvation, and guilt for having left the cult at all are almost maddening. Self-questioning about why you left, and some amount of denial of the very problems and abuse that caused you to leave, are common. Some cannot stand the pain and go to the only safe place they know, back to the cult. There they are treated as lepers, compounding the pain all the more. There is great distrust of any authority, especially in the church, that keeps many away from any church for months or years. Fears of going crazy, and the sense that no one understands, (which is true), further isolate former cultists. There is embarrassment at having been "so stupid" to have ever gotten involved, and shame at all that you did. Many had left career tracks and ended up in jobs ill suited to them that, in many cases, have left them with little future financially, and deep frustration.

Some have nightmares, and some have problems with dissociation(see link below). Along with all these can be broken families where some have remained in the group while others in the family, even spouses, have left. If there has been sexual abuse this is another issue one must deal with. Along with all this there is a sense of being flooded with emotion all the time. Deep guilt and shame, also marks of sexual and other types of abuse, surge like waves over the soul. Deep anxiety, even panic attacks about one's standing in grace, and deep doubt about being a good Christian cause further suffering. To protect oneself a spiritual abused Christian sometimes numbs his or her emotions and appears flat emotionally.

Loneliness and the feeling that you will never be healed, understood or useful as a servant of God crush an already bowed down child of the Father. Since the cult set the boundaries for you, and you are now on your own, you can feel like a city without walls. What do you believe? Who do you listen to or trust? Is trust even possible again? What is real holiness and obedience, and what is legalism and will-worship? These and many more questions about living the Christian life are bewildering. Some of these questions last for years since the foundations of the faith have to be rebuilt stone-by-stone.

Spiritual abuse leaves the child of God destitute, lonely, sad and depressed. You feel utterly alone. It is abuse that robs you of life, happiness, hope and life. It is almost like hell in its feeling of abandonment.

This is what I want to say to you, my brothers and sisters in Jesus. Leave off following a man and a church and follow Jesus alone; you haven’t seen anything yet!

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,
Plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
Plans to give you a hope and a future.

-Jeremiah 29:11

Your Brother in Jesus,
Richard Damiani

If you want to contact me you can do it by e-mail at newhopecounsel@hotmail.com. All contacts will be kept in the strictest confidence.

To know more of God’s loving heart for you, read this article, The Father Heart of God.